After the most epic Summer of break-ups here in Den Haag (notice the How I met your mother’s reference) and the ridiculously grey cloud that hung on my head for weeks, I can finally say that I’m back, cloud-free and with more strength than my body can actually handle!
Life follows its own path, and I’m letting it happen, instead of trying to redirected it all the time. Every time I try to do it I only end up postponing the unavoidable! Life strikes when you least expect it and there’s no point in trying to over-analyze it, specially not for peer pressure.
It’s when I hit the bottom that I actually realize how lucky I am, for I become more aware of the good things and people I have in my life. There’s not enough retribution for the good friends that didn’t let me stay down (even when I’m literally down on the ground of my closet for hours!) or forget who I am. These moments always teach me something, they remind me of who I am and of what I really want for myself. If for a time I lose self-confidence, when I regain it again, it is stronger and on a upper level, specially by realizing how strong I can be.
In a way we function by triggers, and if some throw us down in the gutter, others surprise us, even scary us, for their positive outcome. They open new possibilities in a, many times, unexpected way. It was such a trigger that helped me find myself and my own path again.
I missed this feeling of reaching the end of the day tired as hell, after a productive day of work. I may be going home quite bumpy on my Julieta most of these days, but gosh it feels good! I’ve been so immersed in my studies again that I end up skipping lessons for spending hours at the library or simply because I can’t spare any of my practice time. I’d forgotten how I love to work, how I love to spend hours surrounded by books and just lose myself in translations and research. I’d forgotten who I am musically, while trying to focus on my limitations. It’s about time I begin to acknowledge what I already do well and show it to the world.